A year!

Well, I am coming up on a year! Sometimes I feel as though I just arrived and other times I feel like I have been here for years! I really can't remember my life back in MN! This post will recap and/or reflect my last year:

I arrived here last November completely broken. Actually, I was not broken but rather shattered... I was popping pills to get through the day (not illegal ones), and had a hard time staying focused. I didn't have a clue what my first step was. The anxiety I had was at most times overwhelming. I had no job, along with feeling that I didn't have skills to get a job. I had moved across the country, had no friends here, and only one (well two) family members. I had no furniture or any household items. I came with a car and with that car I had a car payment! Again, no job to pay for it! I was emotionally and physically torn and broken! I had pretty much stopped eating and not to lose weight, but because I was so sick to my stomach. I couldn't tell you what I was or who I was or what I was going to do. I felt every emotion one could think of and each day I was left with a different feeling, a different torture and eventually a different strength. I remember days wishing that my nightmare would end, and that I could wake up and have this all be a dream. I wished I was back in MN, married and surrounded by my family and friends. I remember countless days/nights just feeling sorry for myself. There were many days of "Why is this happening to me?"

As time went by, I began to realize that one can not take away your determination, your motivation and ultimately yourself. When you hit bottom you have the choice to sit on the ground or stand up. I was sitting for way to long and I needed to choose to stand; however, this was not an easy task and I am not going to pretend like it was honkie dorie from that point on. It was an uphill battle and on days, I slipped back down the hill and then inched my way up. I had days/weeks of victory and then days of many failures. I had hopes/accomplishments that I met and then those that I never attempted or those that I tried and failed to accomplish. But day by day, life went on and I got a job. And days turned into weeks and I was able to stop talking "pills"! I was able to meet people and concentrate at work. I do have to admit that even after weeks, I didn't think that I would "last" a year, and always thought I would run back home and things/life would go back to "normal". I also have to admit that I really didn't believe that my marriage was "over", until the day I got the finalized divorced papers back in March. (I think it was in March!) And that is a true testimony as to how far I have come! :)

I do again have to take a minute to thank my sister and Carley for being so great to me. I don't think I would have been where I am today without them. One of the things I was most fearful for was for the first time being able to be financially stable or should I say "financially responsible"! I had never managed finances, but I think one more reason that I stayed at their place so long was that how was I going to live alone? More importantly - who was going to cook for me? - That is suppose to be a joke! But true! He he!

I had my "oh, I am getting my own place. this is so exciting, and .....", but then when I moved out of Megan and Carley's I found myself again...in an unfamiliar place, not knowing anyone and this time I didn't/couldn't just go home and shoot the shit with my roomies! So, June and July (especially after going back to MN for a week) I found myself really feeling that I couldn't do this anymore, that I wanted to be back with friends and family and that although getting my own place was exciting, it also came with its downs!

It didn't take me to long to walk downstairs and meet the regulars at the bar! ha ha! I started to grow more in my career and began learning more at Countrywide and within myself. I started hanging out with "my group" of friends. Life started becoming my "norm"! I guess my point is that you never know where life is going to take you! Change is always scary, but you never know where it may lead.

Someone needs to just tell me to quit rambling!

So, I have started to update my resume and not because I don't like my job, but more that you don't know where life is gonna take you, and especially in my industry I don't know what next month holds! As I updated my resume, I thought of all the skills/achievements I have accomplished within the past year! I remember last year trying to get a job here, and I don't want to say I "fabricated my resume", but I definitely had to stress my more transferable skills! (i.e. works well with others) I started fresh with a new resume and just keep going and before you knew it I was on page two trying to figure out how I was going to condense it to a one page resume! It gave me a sense of "relief", not because it was two pages, but because it made me realize how much I have grown, in a career and as a person. I will never again be that girl with transferable skills, but real experience and real skills/achievements/experiences!

I look back to this past year, and I can say I did it! I proved alot to myself this past year! I have moved across the country, I have made friends and really been able to have an amazing friendship with my sister(and Carley too! - Even though at times she might differ!)I have grown in my career, gained skills, and have obtained the feeling of self-worth within my job. I have begun to walk with my head up again. I feel irreplaceable at work, even though I know anyone can be trained. I have proven that I can be financially stable, and over the last year I have also been able to travel, and go shopping! ha ha! But most of all, I have gained experience and that is something I will always be grateful for, and never regret! Looking forward to my next year of new experiences and also to see where life leads me next! Cheers!