Time for an emotional post!

Where do I begin? I am probably writing this more for myself than any of you, but I guess this poses as a journal for me. I have been struggling here. I feel like I loved Seattle at first (actually for a long time). It has just been recently that I have struggled and I believe it has a lot to do with moving out on my own and also the weather here. I guess I keep going through change after change without knowing exactly where that road is taking me. With that said, I think my newest change of living by myself has presented things I wasn't prepared for. Yes, there are the bills, but that is not what I mean. I have never lived on my own and have always had people around me. So, when I moved out to West Seattle and realized that meeting people in your apartment complex is not as easy as meeting people in the college dorm or college apartment, I have found it to be a little lonely and sad. It has given me time to think of things that either I didn't want to think about and also really think about life. I think that a younger generation will start moving in my apartment complex really soon, as I think some of the people here might die of old age at any minute. They have walkers!


About life: They say "Never regret anything, because at one point it was exactly what you wanted." That is true, everything in my life happened because that is what I wanted at that time. But living by yourself, you begin to really think about things. For me....I think about the regrets in my life. At times, I wish I could go back and do things differently. I would have not had a boyfriend all through highschool. I would have not gone post-secondary and enjoyed highschool. I would have traveled to a different state for college. I would have gotten a different job through college that was more in my field and not just been a waitress. I would have not been in a rush to get married. I would have saw and listened to the red flags. I regret some of the things I did and didn't do in my marriage. I would have stayed more in contact with my friends while being married. I would have had higher dreams for myself and bigger goals. And the list goes on........

While I was visiting MN in July, I found out that Josh has had a girlfriend. At that point, why shouldn't he? It is closing in on a year! But as more comes out, I find out not only is she a girlfriend, but she is a live in girlfriend and that he took a girl on vacation less than 2 months after I moved out. It has really been a stab in the back to me. I don't want it to bother me and I don't want to care, but when you marry someone and then they move on as if you were nothing, it at least makes you think about it. I guess I just can't believe he moved on that quickly. But realize that from him, I should have expected it would go that way.

So what now? How does one completely let go of their past and close that chapter? Well you could try what I did, pack all your shit up and move 1700 miles away! Truth: IT FOLLOWS YOU!! :) There is no letting go. All you can do is learn from it and become a better person because of it. Does it make it easy? No.

What comes next in my life? I have an amazing job, which I truly love. I have my bad days, but I think you get that with any position. But a job is a job. Do you stay in a state that you don't love? I miss my summer!!!! I truly do not see myself surviving another summer here.

No Big News

Well, life has just kinda become the norm and I don't feel like I have to update very often. Same shit different week.... It is finally nice here! Today it was 91 degrees when I got into my car after work. Having said that it is suppose to only be 74 this weekend. So, yes the weather changes daily and I do miss my hot summer back in MN. Which leads me to this; I had a really great time back in MN in July seeing my friends and family. With that said, I am not quite ready to move back there, but feeling the need not to spend another summer in this "summerless" cold environment in Seattle. Last week, there were still people in long sleeves with sweaters layered on top. That is just not me. I feel like I have missed summer, and have come to the conclusion that there is not going to be a 3 month period of warmth and heat. I have yet to turn on my air in my car and I don't even have the option of air in my apartment. I wouldn't need it even if I had the option. I have started to look at options of transferring in Dec at the earliest and may stay until next spring, but I am thinking before ultimately moving back home, I want to spend a year in one more place first and have decided to look south...Austin, TX. Where it will be so hot, I will never bitch about being cold again! haha. We will see what happens! (and I am hoping that my friend Sarah will follow through and move there with me!)

Other than that, I am posting a few pictures from my recent sailing trip on the puget sound last weekend. Let's just say that sailing is a lot different than a motor boat, a lot more work, and quite the experience. I will be buying a boat when I move to Austin and it won't be a sailboat! haha

I think if you click on the pictures they get bigger.